A CHeruB (lostcherub) wrote in theinnocent,
A CHeruB
lostcherub
theinnocent

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I thought it was about time.

I feel like twelve-thousand things have been extracted from my chest all at once. Along with that is my will to try anymore. I've been to so many places and through so many things that I can't bring myself to be disappointed yet again. Who wants to feel themselves break down all over again. It's easier to lose everything you care about when you care about nothing. When you can't feel the people who are closest to you, because they are still your enimies. And you try for so long to reach that imfamous place of love, but you sorely find out it's a game you've already lost. You past your chance over at the starting line and have been fighting yourself the rest of the way. So now that I've got nothing left in me, no more reason to feel and no one else to bring me down I should be able to breathe easy right? Wrong. Now all I do is check my back and cover my tracks everywhere I go. Making sure I don't miss a chance to be heard. To be noticed. To be occupied with something besides these thoughts that never seem to wear out. Just when I thought I had life figured out I realise I've got it all wrong. I'm supposed to pull people close and cherish the ever lasting pain and degradation they so nice bestow upon me. I'm supposed to fight hard and lose quick, every, time, I, try. Because that's what I am right? Just the brittle little boy that everyone has to step lightly about. I'm the kid that's forever on his tip toes yet never seem to come out on top. Because, still, no one has volunteered to stay by my side. I scare off more people than I attract and give away the ones that make me feel alright. I've lost twelve-thousand reasons to smile yet I still can't stop laughing at the irony of it all. Taking everything from the kid that's had nothing. Cause that's really how life works. Some of us come out on top, and the rest of us hold everyone else up.


Lifes lost it's innocent gleam. I suddenly realise how so many people forget to notice the small things. It's all about keeping your head down and focusing on the small things that hurt less. If you dare to dream too big you dare to bite off more disappointment than you can handle. So you hop skip and jump around the pitfalls hoping that you can stay above long enough to accomplish something that you think might be concidered worth while. But in the end no one else cares. Another generation will come along and digest your name like another piece of fiction sprawled out in extinct books linging walls that no one walks past. Because that's who we are. Just the foundation that will eventual lead to the generation that matters. The last. When we are all finaly freed of the relentless cycle to be better people where no one ever thinks they are good enough and every things that everyone else is somehow better.
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