A CHeruB (lostcherub) wrote in theinnocent,
A CHeruB
lostcherub
theinnocent

The innocent.

Crinkling a worn photograph of three children in a bed, I look out the rain spattered window. My youth seems something of a distant myth now. Some golden age where nothing was real and everything was important. I see myself on that yellowed piece of paper. Stuck there on the right side, the outside, nestled under a quilt two of my best friends. Best friends, friends that would some day go and come just as easily as aquantances. Two people that'd I always be tied at the bone to, but I'd never trust quite enough.

"After this photo was taken, a lot of things went down hill between Erin Jonny and myself. We took a weekend at the beach, on the surface everything was perfect."I said " Later I'd learn that brittnee, a friend from way back when, was running Megan, Jonny's girlfriend all around. She was lying about things I'd say and done and writen, so that she'd at least come out with one friend when lines were drawn. She was a sad girl, never really had anything to hold reself up with."

"That's you'th for ya, right?" The driver said.

"Yeah. Some time later, I'd get pushes out of the picture entirely. It was really no one's fault, but none the less I was sure it was."

By junior year of high school, Erin had joined a girl group called The Doodles. The group consisted of four girls, Erin, Emma, April and later on Maggie. They'd go out on their doodle adventures and have their doodle days and give each other silly little presents and all the while I watched my friendship with Erin die. Slowly I had to begin to find friends elsewhere and give up on trying to spend time with Erin. If I called, she was with the doodles, if I went over she was with the doodles, if I tried to make plans with her, she was with the doodles.
I remember once, April and I got into a screaming fight at the bowling alley. It was about something I mentioned to Emma about April. It was one of those things that bothers you, but not enough to confront the person about. April, hated it. So after our redneck display of cursing, I told Erin I was going to Denny's, she was welcome to come but don't bring April. She did come, and she did bring April, and Emma. Emma and April came in first and sat at the booth opposite mine, Erin filed inline into the both with them. There I sat, alone, wanting and needing a friend and there she went. To sit with her new friends.
I saw it as weak. Had it been me, I knew I sure wouldn't have gone to the restaurant and if I had to, I would have sat with the only person sitting a lone. Myself.
But that wasn't the last time Erin left me when I needed a friend. Sometime later I'd stop by her house one night, excited that her car was there and that maybe I could hang out with her. I opened the door to her room only to walk in on a threesum make out party. Jonny Emma and Erin. Understandably it died out when I entered to room, so we all just sat and stared at one another ackwardly. Until that is, Jonny announced "Well it was fun,until Carl came in." Erin, said nothing in my defence. After trying to save face, some dignity and a little cool, I left. I swore off Jonny Forever and promised to never allow Erin to be the only friend I had in the room, ever again. She simply wasn't good for it.

"I spent a lot of time without these two actualy, about a year really. We'd see one another at parties and school and what not, but you know how kids are when they hold a grudge..."

"It's for sure that I do, my friend, it's for sure."

By senior year, the theme of our lifes had changed a lot. For the most part we'd all been pulled into an automotive sub culture. Marked by an admiration for classic cars, hot rods and customs. This infatuation with classic decades like the 40's 50's and 60's would eventualy pull us back together. I;d finaly start driving my 65 chrysler on a regular basis, Jonny'd gain a 74 plymouth scamp for is 18th birthday, and erin a 67 amc ambassador for her's.
About the time the cars came into our lifes, I started to let Jonny back in. So long as we talked about cars, and only cars. He was no longer a best friend, he was a car buddy. An aquantance with knowledge that I might borrow now and then. Erin and I slowly started to drift back together the end of junior year, around the time I held a car show for my junior project at the school. She helped out by directing cars and passing out flyers.


"Thought things worked out, for the most part we came back together, but never with the same intensity."

I never did like the Doodles, nor did I ever really start talking with Megan again. Not after the wedge Brittnee would drive between us, She never believed I was telling the truth, I never believed how she always came out on top. With everything, with Jonny, With Brittnee, with every bump that ever came between us.

By the middle of high school, Erin and I had found a comfortable spot between us. Not unseperable, but not seperated. We began to understand things weren't the same. That on some fundemental basis our ability to be friends had shifted. We'd never be what we were, and we didn't try to be anything more than what came easiest to us. Simple, unattached, low obligation friends. We ran in the circles and often went to the same parties and occasionaly saw each other on a one on one basis, but our lives weren't as centered around our friendship anylonger.

Really in the year I'd registered to go to Wyoming Technical, She applied to a few art schools back east, and we could see something larger coming between us. Adulthood.

"Isn't it funny how things morph and change over time." I thought out loud.

"It's all in how you roll the dice." The Cabby muttered.

Outside, we'd been passing forest after forest all night long. It seemed the road would never end, as if Vancouver was forever the same distance away. The cab dripped with rain and the tires rushed against the road, but nothing changed.

"Isn't it funny." I whispered to myself.
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